Dealing with ‘Shame’

Trigger Warning: Mention of Self-Harm/Suicide

Psychologist Dr. Stephen Finn asserts that the emotion of “shame” is not innate; instead, it is acquired. Over the past month, I have been struggling with feelings of guilt and shame, and this emotional struggle began before my birthday. I often find it challenging to accept my own body, and when specific triggers emerge, they frequently lead me into a state of shame. Typically, it takes several days and a therapy session for me to recover from these episodes.

My birthday was an especially significant occasion for me because it marked the first time I chose to celebrate my body by wearing a dress and hosting a house party. However, in the days leading up to my birthday, I was already experiencing shame-related emotions. A few days after the celebration, someone very close to me criticized my behaviour during the party and criticized me for being a poor host. This critique completely shook me to my core and intensified the feelings of shame within me. I felt an overwhelming urge to hide from the world. It seemed as if the entire memory of the birthday night was a facade, and I felt shattered. I didn’t want to face any of the guests who had attended the party.

This experience gradually eroded my self-esteem to the point where I began giving up on both my personal and professional life. Over the past 1.5 months, I’ve found it incredibly challenging to get out of bed and complete my daily tasks. This has also been affecting my performance at work. Being someone who tends to be highly sensitive, I’ve come to realize that I experience emotions very intensely. I felt utterly helpless, and that sense of helplessness persists even now, leading me to increase the frequency of my therapy sessions.

The situation at work today felt like the last straw, pushing me into a state of contemplating suicidal thoughts. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this overwhelmed. At one point, I even considered cancelling my therapy session and acting on these distressing thoughts. However, my friend at work recognized the signs and sat with me throughout the day, providing comfort and support. Eventually, I attended the therapy session, where my therapist ensured my safety. I’m grateful I’m not experiencing those thoughts anymore, but this episode has weighed heavily on me.

The essence of these past two months is – “In a world where you can be anything, be kind”. Please be kind to people. Even if you have inadvertently hurt someone, offering a sincere and timely apology can make a significant difference.