The past two years of my life have been about accepting the diagnosis of BPD, recognizing the patterns I adopted during childhood, breaking those patterns, and developing healthier ones. Identifying coping mechanisms and unlearning them is also a very hard process. Writing about it gives me chills because it reminds me how hard I have worked over the past eight years, especially since 2024, when I relapsed.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about my life after healing. Honestly, I believe this is the harder part. We heal to accept the unloved, messier parts of ourselves, and I feel this is going to be a long and difficult journey for me. If I am single, have long-distance friendships, and live away from my parents and siblings, I will have very few conflicts. The core issue in BPD is the fear of abandonment, and I can only work on that fear and my attachment style if I am in relationships and surrounded by people. It is not realistic to expect to be fully healed before entering a relationship. Healing does not happen in isolation.Will this society give me a chance? That is what scares me, pulls me into a loop, and makes me feel helpless. How is it my fault that I grew up with mental health issues? I did take accountability at the age of 21 by seeking help and working on myself consistently for the past 15 years.

I am expected to be perfect because I go to therapy, so nothing should shake me. I should always be grounded since I am in therapy and on medication. This mindset comes from a lack of awareness. Therapy does not make me incapable of being affected. If anything, my emotions are already very intense. Therapy has helped me regulate myself, but as a human being, I sometimes fail—and that is okay.

On the other hand, I am seen as weak because I seek help, as if my mind is preoccupied with these terminologies. I am told to stop labelling myself, stop talking about these things, pray, wake up early, walk, lose weight, and everything will be fine. This mindset comes from the stigma surrounding mental health issues. Those who believe therapy is for the weak should try it once.It is not that I want people to see me differently, but it is tiring to exist among people who fall into either of these categories. Living with this reality comes with a lot of grief. This grief hits me every now and then, and when it does, all I can do is hold on to a little faith that this too shall pass.

Categorized in:

Healing