He did not let me grieve the way I imagined

“He healed something he didn’t break’, but in my case – he entered through the cracked walls that I rebuilt, glued back together, and broke it again into a million pieces. He also shattered a few pieces I thought were whole. It was incredibly difficult for me to leave the house today, go for a walk, and complete my steps. I felt as if we walked together up the stairs to the 15th floor, only for him to push me off the balcony. From a joyful high to a sudden collapse within seconds! I always knew I would bear the brunt alone and was prepared for that. However, I wasn’t ready for such an abrupt fall. I believed he would catch me, hold my hand, and wipe my tears as I fell. Yet, he snatched away everything I held dear within moments and vanished. He tells me he is grieving a loss and ‘needs time’ for this conversation. He didn’t care enough to let me say goodbye or grieve in the way I had imagined. Once again, I believed his words. But this time, I trusted him because I thought he was the same person I saw on his social media.

I strongly believe in the theory that everything happens for a reason. He came bearing both trauma and a small gift. He connected me with the most amazing therapist to help me heal from the trauma he invoked in me. Ironic, isn’t it?

कितने अमीर थे हम दोस्ती में हुज़ूर की,
फिर एक-तरफ़ा मोहब्बत का दरिया बह गया,
डूबे कुछ इस कदर उनकी सीरत के गुरूर मे,
आखरी खैरात में मरहम का जरिया बन गया!

– सदा