Finding Balance: A Therapist’s Impact on My Life

The Beginning of My Journey

I began therapy with him in February after a relapse. For those unfamiliar with my story, I have a history of childhood trauma, depression, and anxiety. Before this, I worked with a therapist for seven years, so trusting someone new was difficult. From February until last week, I lost my appetite and struggled with sleep. My days were chaotic, filled with sleepless nights or too much sleep, worsening my condition. This pattern persisted for eight months. We initially focused on understanding the relapse and the heartbreak that came with it. Trauma makes you feel incredibly alone, yet you still crave companionship, love, and support, which can lead to pushing people away. As a result, I lost people I loved, adding another layer of trauma. Healing from the relapse brought up unresolved childhood issues, and ongoing trauma interfered. I started drinking more, lost sleep and appetite, and gained weight rapidly. Despite my efforts to push them away, two friends remained by my side.

His Support and Beyond

My therapist stood by me, even when I doubted myself and began to doubt him. Losing so many people in just a few months would affect anyone, but he never left. He did more for me than a therapist typically would. He understood the seriousness of the situation when I confided in him about my suicidal thoughts. He reached out during crises, checked in every few hours, and didn’t believe me when I lied about being okay. He even prayed for me. He kept therapy slots open, even when I insisted I didn’t need the session because he knew the part of me that had given up didn’t want to attend. But I always showed up because he never gave up on me, even when I had given up on myself.

I am blessed in many ways, but I feel especially fortunate in this area. He taught me to trust my body when I feel anxious and to trust my instincts. He showed me how to balance and compartmentalize anxiety from regular tasks. During my lowest moments, he would remind me, “Meghna, you are healing; you might not feel it, but you are.” He shared in my grief, whether the loss was small or significant. He helped me understand that living with balance, rather than constant panic, is how people thrive. After spending my entire life in survival mode, he showed me how to break free from it. Initially, I panicked about not panicking :).

The Core Spiritual Experience

He has helped me unleash a new version of myself. He showed me how beautiful I am and taught me to love myself in a way that doesn’t rely on him or anyone else. He has helped me discover something within myself that I never knew existed. This is a profound, core spiritual experience, that can only be felt and difficult to express in words.

I have a strong connection with music. In the past, I would listen to music that matched my mood, whether it was sadness or happiness, wanting to stay in that emotional zone. Last night, I slept late and woke up late, leaving me in a fuzzy mood today. I played a slow song, but it didn’t feel right. Then, I played an energetic, happy song because I wanted to feel happy. This is a new experience for me. Now I understand what my friends meant when they avoided slow, sad songs because it killed their mood. Their default mood was probably normal or happy, and sad songs disrupted that. My default was to be sad, so those songs resonated with me. But now, my default has shifted to happiness, so I need energetic songs to maintain and uplift my mood.

Healing is a journey, not a destination.

He has witnessed my growth because he sees me in my rawest form. I have been waiting for this one moment, for this one day, to feel healed. Whenever I felt at my best, I thought I had healed. Last month, on a similar occasion, I referred to July 8th as my rebirth day, but this healing journey has taught me that we often emphasize a single day or milestone rather than appreciating the journey itself.

Healing is a journey, and I’m enjoying every step of it. Does this mean I’ll never panic or feel anxious again? Of course not. I’m still anxious about something significant happening in one aspect of my life, but I’m not spiralling over it. I’m still in love with someone who doesn’t love me the same way, but I’ve found acceptance. We still talk occasionally and keep each other updated on our lives. I’m also actively searching for the love of my life, rather than waiting for “someone” to come to me. Not a minute goes by without thinking about the friends I lost—I love them deeply.

This week was challenging professionally, but it has been the most emotionally balanced week of my life. I’m still adjusting to this new feeling, this new mindset, and it will take time to fully embrace it. I never imagined I could make it to the other side. He not only helped me heal but also taught me how to love myself and live a balanced life. This experience is profoundly therapeutic, and our relationship is beautiful—I embrace it just as it is. I feel truly blessed to have him guiding me through this healing journey.