Empathy: A Vital Need in Society

Trigger Warning: Mentions of Suicide

Over the past two months, I was certain that I was healed. I established a routine of going to the gym, newfound pleasure of reading and completing my steps. I have taken initial steps towards fulfilling the purpose of my life – spreading awareness on mental health and sharing my story. Along this journey, I found myself drawn to this guy, unsure of whethere he would reciprocate my feelings, but I feel I need to express my feelings. I still hesitate to label this emotion as ‘love’, because I recognize it may be something different. This is the pinnacle of emotion I have ever experienced in my entire life, whether it be the clarity in the purpose of my life or the sentiment I hold for him, as it is not contingent on his response. If he reciprocates my feelings, I will be the happiest, but my life will not stop if he does not. Everything was sorted.

These four days have been the loneliest for me. Despite having so many people, I could not share my feelings with any of my friends. I thought of giving my new therapist a try, but I do not have the energy to speak so much. The thing is for the first time in a long time, I am not clear as to why is this happening to me.

What no one tells you about life and healing is that one day something may trigger you so bad that everything will fall apart. I had a disagreement with one of my friends before these recent struggles began. When I shared my feelings with her, she responded in a way that deeply affected me. It struck me so profoundly that it instilled a fear in me. I am afraid of expressing my emotions about anyone to any of my friends. Moreover, my therapist is relocating to a new country soon, and I lack the energy to embark on a new therapeutic journey while feeling this emotionally burdened.

I have been in a ‘fight or flight’ response for the past three days. My breathing is shallow and I have trouble sleeping. Even when I am in the office environment and I am surrounded by people, if I am not actively engaged in a conversation, Yesterday, after lunch, I went for a walk outside to my usual tea spot outside the office. I sat on the chair but could not get up. I reached out to a colleague and friend to whom I had briefly shared my struggles earlier, and he came to my aid after half an hour. I requested some water and managed to stand with his assistance, but before I could confide in him, another colleague joined us, preventing me from sharing my concerns. We went back up to the office.

When I was in the elevator, a group of colleagues were very loud. They were talking and having fun. I could not tolerate the loud voices. This reminded me of the time I spent in the US when I was in constant survival mode, stuck in a fight or flight response with the same symptoms. This brought back memories of my time in the US, where I was consistently in survival mode, trapped in a fight or flight response, and experiencing the same symptoms. I continued my work up until 6:30 PM. My friend never came back and asked to check up on me. I was disappointed.

I tried to explain to another friend at work what I was feeling. To be honest, this time even I am unaware of what is the trigger point. She asked me to consult my therapist and asked me to seek help since I was feeling highly suicidal. Two of my friends who are not in Pune, are my soul sisters, have been trying to call me for two days to check up on me and I have nothing to say to them because I do not know what I am feeling. I am just numb and depressed. She left for home after a while. I worked in the office until 8:00 PM and then headed home. I didn’t intend to engage in phone conversations, and the two individuals at office, I attempted to speak with in person didn’t follow up with me. My mind started playing games with me. I’m uncertain whether I can trust my mind when it suggests that my friends will hold me responsible for this behavior, and therefore, I should remain silent. Furthermore, considering my colleagues aren’t my true friends, I shouldn’t anticipate their assistance.

After work, I always put the address in the GPS so that I can monitor the traffic. When I sat in my car and opened the maps, I did not know what address to enter. For the past three days, I had no other destination besides home, but I found that I didn’t feel at home within myself. I planned to go to home, eat and then head out to execute the plan. But my flatmate insisted on watching this show about 911 firefighters.

I noticed a sense of calm settling in as my mind started to shift its focus. Consequently, I decided to postpone the plan.

While I acknowledge that everything happens for a reason and there’s a part of me that believes I’m destined for a long life, what if I hadn’t gone home yesterday? It wasn’t part of my plan at all. What if my flatmate wasn’t at home yesterday? I consider myself fortunate that the circumstances were in my favor, but not everyone is as lucky as I am. According to wikipedia, Suicides during 2021 increased by 7.2% in comparison to 2020 with India reporting highest number of suicides in the world. This is three year old data.

We do not need mental health awareness to save someone who you know has survived suicide. No special tools or psychology education is needed to make sure that the person who is struggling is cared and feels safe. Nowadays, individuals either refrain from involvement due to the potential ‘trouble’ they might encounter if something happens, assume that the person will eventually overcome their issues, or simply express a lack of concern.

What our society lacks is empathy, and sadly, it is a skill that can’t even be cultivated.

So, ask yourself today: Do you care about the people around you? What will you do the next time someone comes to you, expressing feelings of depression or suicidal thoughts? Will you take the time to sit with them, ensuring they are okay, or will you perceive it as a burden and simply walk away?